I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
