So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize