i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
