I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize