well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
