I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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