Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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