Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dignity is for republicans.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
