I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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