What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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