Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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