So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
