Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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