At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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