Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
