Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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