...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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