I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
