I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
