At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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