I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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