he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
