im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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