I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
