Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize