i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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