This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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