Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
