I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
