I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
