Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
