how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
