Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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