the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize