I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
