Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize