Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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