Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize