dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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