Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
