oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
