What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
