I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
