If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
