I want you more than these girls want KFC
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
