Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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