Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
