Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
