And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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