just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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