No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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