somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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