You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize