I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
