kristin has been a bad kristin
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
