But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
