I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
