Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
