Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
