Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize