just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
