it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
