She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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