if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
