Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
