you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
