its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
