need another drink. this is the easiest way
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
