i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize