Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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