i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
someone threw a dead crab at me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
